Opposing Opinions

I will say culturally, the US and the UK are like two people who have strong opinions. When you bring up the most basic human experience of child birth, people get really … what’s a fair term?! “Excited”?

As a result of research, soul searching and discussion with friends here and home, I am more emotionally open to either option because I believe being armed with information, asking questions, consulting with experts and experienced persons should help me work toward making the most informed decision for me, my baby and my family. I think if there is data that suggests that a woman can and should have a vaginal birth after a Myomectomy and/or UFE, I think it’s worth giving a try. I also believe if that with the medical history I have, it’s not advisable, than it is something that needs to be discussed for the risks and benefits with my OB.

Who Are We Supporting?

When it comes to a woman’s body, even other women will tell her what she should … neigh, must do with it.  When did anyone in our society become the God of Reproduction? We somehow have stopped supporting each other’s decisions and deciding rather that what we think is right is absolute. Sharing some clinically supported data with a woman open to information, that’s positive and helpful. Denying a woman from questioning her options and going as far to suggest that her birth decisions are shameful or wrong – that’s counter productive to a society supporting women and choice.

Can We Agree to Disagree? Please?

We k now opinions are different between the US and UK and neither is wrong, they’re just different. They have their own pluses and minuses.

I do think we are quick to choose medical intervention in the US rather than give women the information and tools to seek alternative forms of birthing. I think if we informed women about the risks associated with chemical and mechanical intervention in childbirth, a lot of problems could be avoided for baby and mother. Additionally, I think the experience for the mother, baby and family could be enriched.

Alternatively, the prevailing attitude in the UK seems to be (upon my own experience and in my own opinion) that means of assisting a labouring woman other than the natural are harmful and maybe even shameful. There are risks associated with induction, forceps and c-section, this is backed by clinical data. However, my experience has been that to even mention a c-section is met with agitation and offense.

I thought all this time knowledge was power and that we should make informed decisions about our bodies but with the experience of being told what your “option” is and then to have suggested you be quiet and stop asking questions, we’re not being given that information – by anyone.

How can we make informed decisions if the information is not shared with you regarding the available options, clinical information, side effects and complications of a treatment?

Informed Consent: An informed consent can be said to have been given based upon a clear appreciation and understanding of the facts, implications, and future consequences of an action.

– Wikipedia

Not Just a One-Off

I saw a different midwife today. Started fine but when it came time for me to ask questions, she suddenly got agitated when I said this is my first pregnancy and I’m adjusting to the differences here, and before I could even ask a question, she went off. She basically said child birth is natural and anyone is right to look at you like you’re nuts if you ask about surgical intervention. She went on to say “you’re not having it there, you’re having it here and everything you need to know is in here (hard copy pregnancy record). The consultant will make the decision …” I said “excuse me, that’s not what I’m saying at all …” but before I could even correct her assumptions and try to ask questions, she cut me off and just spoke over me. She basically told me to stop questioning and do what I’m told.

I am fully aware of what country I live in. Some might say I invite that response by trying to explain my frame of reference and asking questions. I personally feel that people will get upset when you’re a foreigner in their country when you tell them what your experience has been because “you’re here now”. I know as a person, I have a right to ask questions and understand my treatment, if it is offensive to someone that I’m from another country because they don’t like my countries customs or medical practises, that’s their problem – I still deserve to be spoken to with respect and not spoken over or basically told to do as I’m told.

It has been my experience now  matter where I am that you get XYZ information given to you. When you deviate from the normal course of events by asking questions or requesting more information on alternatives, you meet the agitated healthcare professional who quickly pushes you off and onto the next subject.  This is why I dislike receiving medical attention, seeing health care professionals or going to hospitals.

I feel that we all get the standard, cookie cutter treatment and when we decide one day that we want to make informed health decisions for ourselves and our family, regardless of where you live, you will be met in most cases with defensive attitudes. We’re no longer people with rights when we receive medical treatment, we’re a medical file to be glanced at, to be made decisions about and shuffled onto the next specialist or next test. We loose our Humanity when we submit, accepting we’re not the PHD here so we can be treated however they deem fair, being Gods and all. This attitude of helplessness must stop.

My step-mom, Linda, always says “Doctors are PRACTISING medicine, no one knows everything”. That’s important to remember.

I also spoke to a doula recently who concurred that doctors are not Gods and in fact falter quite the way we do in that if we have a bad experience, we will share it with people. If they have a bad experience i.e. bad delivery, patient they weren’t able to save – we will be impacted by their experience, opinions and fears in our treatment. It’s HUMAN.

Let’s say I have a bad reaction to Aleve (and I have) so whenever someone asks me what I think of Aleve, I say “I had a bad reaction to it once and before, it never gave me any pain relief so I don’t recommend it”. It’s the same, Dr. Bob Dobs has a patient die from some reaction to a medication and therefore, Dr. Dobs does not prescribe this medication any longer to patients.

My Personal Conclusion

I received a good response from my husband’s cousin who advised that she had two pregnancies close together and due to possibility of rupture, requested a c-section. She was told she could not have one at first but fought to get what she felt was medically safe for her and her baby.

The NHS says “Pregnant women are not immediately entitled to a caesarean section if they do not have any physical or mental need for it. If you ask for the operation, you’ll be asked why you’re requesting it and you’ll be given information about the risks and benefits. You should be allowed to have a caesarean if, after discussion and support, you still want to have the operation.”

To me, whatever side you are on (and I’m firmly open to either side), you deserve to have your voice heard, your feelings considered and your questions answered. I was annoyed when the first midwife basically said “IF” I am allowed a c-section (which she called “social c-section”), then the GP will decide and I’ll have to labour anyway (as if to say, “don’t be lazy, just have a vaginal birth”).

When today’s midwife strongly agreed (with much agitation) and addressed me like it was stupid to even start to ask questions about the order of medical care, delivery and things I might expect, inferring that “this ain’t America so you’ll get what you get and do as your told” – I had to realise that these two women (midwives) are programmed to deliver certain responses and react with horror to anyone who asks about other options because to them, there are NO other options.

I know from talking to the OB that it is an option if she feels it is clinically shown to be necessary. After all this discussion, I have started to release my fear of rupture and embrace whatever comes my way. I no longer feel it has to be one way or the other. If, after discussion it is felt that vaginal delivery is safe and there is a low risk of needing an emergency c-section, then we’ll go that route. But I need to know.

In the end, I think pregnancy is a time when women have to fully come into their selves, knowing what is not only right for them but for their children and families. Anyone who suggests for any reason that you do not have the right to ask about your care, your options or make arrangements for your birth, I suggest you take a deep breath and decide if you want to tell them to FUCK OFF.  I won’t judge you if you do.

IT IS YOUR BODY. IT IS YOUR LIFE. IT IS YOUR FAMILY. WHO PROTECTS THEIR INTERESTS IF YOU DO NOT?